When you collect trash, it’s called hoarding. When you collect animals, it’s called farming. I’m not exactly sure how it happened. How you can wake up one morning goatless and by the end of the day you are turning into a crazy goat lady. I told Dan I didn’t want a dairy goat just yet. That I wasn’t ready to commit to milking something, because we have a 7 month old and I myself am still being milked all day long. So he said, “touche,” and that he would be the one to go out there every morning. But I know how that works, I tried the same thing on my parents when I was 8 and I begged for a dog.
I remember when we added chickens, I was a bit hesitant because I didn’t want to feel like a slave to a farm or that we couldn’t travel because we’d have to find someone to take care of them. But then you keep adding animals and at some point adding one more doesn’t make a difference. Pretty soon you’re like, “Hmm, a bengal tiger might be nice,” as you search for bengal tigers near you on craigslist. I guess at some point you just accept it’s gonna be Noah’s ark all up in here. So actually, make that two Bengal tigers.
Dan brought the mama and baby goat home on the back of his truck and they were a little bit shy. Maybe because I was looking at her baby like the overly attached girlfriend chick on the internets. We took the top off the cage and doing what goats do best, they both climbed up a pile of junk in his truck to get to the highest point and then promptly jumped off and ran the opposite direction of the pen, into the Lions den. So we had Chase chasing the baby goat, Dan chasing chase, Nala chasing a chicken and Nova chasing butterflies. Wife’s were laughing, babies were crying, feathers were flying and I’m positive in Dan’s mind he was mentally killing Chase with the bitter apple spray we have to deter them from barking.
Dan couldn’t catch the goats and with each step, he was inching them closer to the road. So after I got the zoo under control, I went over and got within a few feet of them and started sweet talkin’ them. And we bonded.
Note: I am able to bond with any animal that has fur in under 2.5 seconds.
And then I waved my arm and said, “Follow me,” and turned around and started walking towards the pen. And then, they followed me. They followed me as if I had some invisible hooded cloak on and I was the leader of the goat cult. Dan’s face was pure shock, but he told me to just go with it. So I herded the goats into their pen and shut the gate and that was the day I became the goat whisperer.
This is my circus, these are my monkeys. And home is where the goat is.