Dan and I, my brother Jon and his fiance Joy thought it would be fun to go over my parents house for a nice family dinner. Little did we know things would get ugly.
After dinner, Jon, Joy, my mom and I decided to take the dog for a walk over at our old neighborhood. We walked around for about 20 minutes and then got in the car to go home. About a minute went by and I started to feel really nauseous. I decided I’d keep it it to myself cause I didn’t want any accusations of being pregnant. Can’t a married girl feel nauseous without it being pregnancy? No, I don’t think she can. As those thoughts were racing in my head, I decided I’d just sit with my nauseousness in silence, til my brother Jon said, “I’m going to throw up. Drive fast Mom” and Joy in the back seat said, “I feel sick too.” I then decided I would also admit I was feeling sick. I think we all secretly knew we were in for something big. All 3 of us feeling sick at the same moment. It couldn’t be a virus because we all had not seen each other in weeks so that was out. Food poisoning, we thought. We all braced ourselves for what was coming, we knew we’d be seeing “dinner” again real soon.
We gave Jon a puke bag in the car in case he needed it,and as soon as my mom pulled in the driveway, Jon bolted out of the car and puked onto the grass behind the shed. Note the puke on the grass, this is not the last you’ll hear about it. Joy went downstairs and started puking in the bathroom in the basement. They were dropping like flies, and I was next. My mom would follow soon after me.
I looked around for something to hold my hair back and found a scrunchie. It was big, it was black, it was some type polyester blend. It was awesome. I took that sucker and piled my hair on top of my head with it. I personally think it went well with my watery eyes, runny nose, sore throat, pale face, and the two broken blood vessels under my eyes from puking so hard. Dan walked in and asked if I needed anything. Had we been dating, I would’ve probably attempted to make myself decent, but since I already locked that up, he was stuck with this prize, right here.
The scene downstiars was pretty grave. For awhile we heard sounds coming from down there that resemebled some kind of dying animal,but when I heard complete silence I went to check on Jon and Joy to see if they were feeling better. It was a sad sight. My 6’3” brother lying outside the bathroom in the fetal position with a puke bucket near his head and Joy lying in the bathroom, who curled up is about the size of a cat. They were either passed out or dead. I checked for signs of life, and found they were both still breathing so I left.
Dan I were sitting watching TV when Livy dog got up from a dead sleep walked a few feet and puked right infront of Dan and I. What is happening to this family! She didn’t eat anything from dinner, so I figured it was sympathy symptoms. Though, her favorite snacks are flowers, rocks, grass, paper towels, deer poop, dog poop and basically any kind of animal poop, so it could have been from a number of things. Dan thinks it was because she heard all us puking and it made her sick.
So, as morning came, things did started looking up. At about 3:00am, the four of us started to feel a little better and reasoned that the culprit was organic broccoli. It was the only thing we all had, that Dan and my dad didn’t have.
Remember that puke on the grass, behind the shed? The next morning Livy was let out and was seen eating something, something on the grass, behind the shed. We can add “Jon’s puke” to her list of favorite snacks.
Worst family dinner, ever.