Note: Don’t bother reading if you have a weak stomach. This post is filled with all kinds of grossness.
October 1, 2011
Dan and I, my brother Jon and his fiance Joy thought it would be fun to go over my parents house for a nice family dinner. Little did we know about 40 minutes later, things would get ugly.
After dinner, Jon, Joy, my mom and I decided to take the dog for a walk over at our old neighborhood. We walked around for about 20 minutes and then got in the car to go home. About a minute after we got in the car, I started to feel really nauseous. I decided I’d keep it it to myself cause I didn’t want any accusation of being pregnant. Can’t a married girl feel nauseous without it being pregnancy? No, I don’t think she can. As those thoughts were going in my head and I decided I’d just sit with my nauseousness in silence, my brother Jon said, “I’m going to throw up. Drive faster, Mom” and Joy in the back seat said, “I feel sick too.” I then decided I would disclose how I was feeling. I think we all secretly knew we were in for something big. All 3 of us feeling sick at the same moment. It couldn’t be a virus because we all had not seen each other in weeks. Food poisoning, we thought. We all braced ourselves for what was coming, we knew we might be seeing “dinner” again real soon.
We gave Jon a puke bag in the car in case he needed it, and as soon as my mom pulled in the driveway, Jon flung himself out of the car and puked onto the grass behind the shed. Note the puke on the grass, this is not the last you’ll hear about it. Joy went downstairs and started puking in the bathroom in the basement. They were dropping like flies, and I was next and my mom would follow soon after me.
I looked around for something to hold my hair back and found a scrunchie. It was big, it was black, it was some type polyester blend. I took that sucker and piled my hair on top of my head with it. I personally think it went well with my watery eyes, runny nose, sore throat, pale face, and the two broken blood vessels under my eyes from puking so hard. Dan walked in and asked if I needed anything. Had we been dating, I might have growled in my best exorcism voice, “get away from the door,” but he already promised me for better or for worse, big black scrunchie and all.
The scene downstairs was pretty grave. For awhile I heard sounds coming from down there that resembled some kind of dying animal, but when I heard complete silence, I went to check on Jon and Joy to see if they were feeling better. It was a sad sight. My 6’3” brother lying outside the bathroom in the fetal position with a puke bucket near his head and Joy lying in the bathroom, who curled up, is about the size of a cat. They were either passed out or dead.
Dan I were sitting watching TV when my parents dog gets up from a dead sleep walks a few feet and pukes right in front of Dan and I. Now, she didn’t eat anything from dinner so I figured it was sympathy symptoms. Though, her favorite snacks are flowers, rocks, grass, paper towels, deer poop, dog poop and basically any kind of animal poop, so it could have also been from a number of things she had snacked on that day.
So, as dawn was breaking, things did started looking up. At about 5:00am, the four of us starting to feel a little better and reasoned that the culprit was organic broccoli. It was the only thing we all had, that Dan and my dad didn’t have.
Remember that puke on the grass, behind the shed? The next morning my parents dog was let out to go to the bathroom and was seen eating something, something on the grass, behind the shed. We can add “Jon’s puke” to her list of favorite snacks.
Worst family dinner, ever.