My last post was all about our new pack member, Nala, and how she has been keeping us on our toes from her Houdini act of escaping from the laundry room with only 3 working legs, to her disappearing act in a huge state forest. She’s definitely a girl, because she likes to cause major drama. Day 5 with her was no different.
My mom was visiting us from New Jersey to visit the 19 acres of land they just purchased 3 minutes from our house. We headed over there, so my mom could figure out where they will put their house once they are ready to build. We decided to bring the two, four-legged hooligans.
It was one of the most beautiful days of the year. The temperature was a perfect 75 degrees, the leaves were starting to change, the sun was shining and the dogs were frolicking through what looked like a golden meadow. It was straight out of a Purina commercial, except for the fact that Chase still doesn’t have all his fur, due to mange, and Nala has a bum back leg, so she walks on just 3 legs. Maybe if Purina follows in Dove’s footsteps, they will start featuring “real” dogs. Because the ones I see on the commercials with the owners petting their long shiny fur coats, balancing treats on their noses, eating their food gracefully is just pure lies. Rarely do I pet one of my dogs without having to guess what dead animal they rolled in by smelling my hand. Forget balancing a treat, because they can’t even catch them in the air-they just let the treats hit them in the face.
Chase and Nala were down by the lake and I wanted to get a really cliche picture of the trees and the dogs reflections in the lake, and post on Instagram for a million likes(ok, maybe 9), but the dogs got a scent of something and took off into the woods.
“TREATS, TREATS! WE HAVE TREATS, YOU GUYS!” My mom and I kept yelling into the woods as if we could bribe them to come back. It reminded me of a mother I once saw at an airport yelling, “WAIT, WAIT, I HAVE CANDY! COME BACK!” And I am like, “Ok, I’ll wait, I like candy,” but then I saw a toddler running a few hundred feet in front of her paying no attention, heading for those moving sidewalks. A few minutes later, I saw that the toddler must have either succumbed to the bribe or he was hunted down like a lion by his mom because the family was reunited quickly.
I was hoping that this would be the case for me and my dogs too. While I was still yelling weird bribes into the forrest about chicken and duck treats, my mom decided She.Was.Going.In. She took off, even though I told her not to. As my mom wandered deeper into the woods after the dogs, I walked back to my car to drive around the road looking for them. About an hour later I go back to my parents property. There they were, in the original spot they took off from, acting like nothing happened.
But my mom, she had not come back, So I gave her a call.
Me: “Hi mom, the dogs came back, but where are you?”
Mom: “I’m in your back yard! So I’ll just meet you at your house.”
We hang up but then a few minutes later…
Mom: “Hi again, it’s me. I can’t get past your barbed wire.”
Me: “Mom, we don’t have barbed wire, you’re not in our backyard. Where are you?”
Mom: “I don’t know now..I see a farm and I also saw some bear poop back here! But don’t worry. I got my pepper spray!”
I hang up with her and call Dan. After telling him the goods news that the dogs were able to sniff their way back to where they had come from, my mom was now lost in the woods and thinks she may be close to our backyard. Dan nonchalantly says, “Would you like me to go call, ‘Donna, Donnnnna,’ from the edge of our property?” “Not yet,” I say, “but I may take you up on that offer if she’s not home by dark.”
A few more phone calls to my mom and she tell me she is, “Following the sun,” whatever that means. So I’m waiting with the dogs when the one of their neighbors come walking through the field wanting to introduce himself to his new neighbor and I tell him, “Oh yeah, your new neighbor is my mom. But she’s lost in the woods right now.” He had this look of horror on his face.
Neighbor: “Wait, what? is she ok?”
Me: “Yeah, she’s fine. She’s, uhh, following the sun?”
I tried to make it sound like an acceptable answer, but I’m pretty sure he went out an bought another shotgun after meeting his crazy new neighbors.
My mom’s plan at that point was to find her way out of the forrest and find a house, any house, and follow the driveway to the road where I would pick her up – sounds a lot like the life of most hunting dogs down here.
When she FINALLY came out of the woods into a field, she was so confused where she was and said, “I was looking for a house. But there was no house.” There was no house, because one hadn’t been built yet. Because SHE had not built one yet. Because she was back at her own property.
And so that was the day that adventures in Nala land really ended up an adventure in Donna land, and now I really think I need to write a children’s book about the day my mom got lost looking for two dogs that were never actually lost.
Follow my moms journey on the map below.